The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
