do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
