sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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