i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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