are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize