hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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