I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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