Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Randomize