Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
