i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
