i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
