Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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