New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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