I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
