the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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