if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
