I'm really into asian looking animals
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
