Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
