Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
