I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
