just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
