Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
