I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
