i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
kristin has been a bad kristin
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
