You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
