my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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