there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just forgot I was standing up.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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