life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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