just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
