SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
