Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
