she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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