Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
