Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize