My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
