One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
