just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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