Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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