i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
