it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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