apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You took a bar mat shot.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
