I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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