When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
