we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
