He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I still have a little drunk in my system
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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