I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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