She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
