but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
