I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
