your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize