My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
4 words: hood of his car
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
