I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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