Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
