i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
