she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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