put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
