do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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