there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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