We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
should my penis look like a turkey
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
