He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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