Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize