just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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