i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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