A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
