my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i love accidental penises.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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