im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
