so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
