your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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