He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
