To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
