he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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