like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
