You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
